( au post ) i become location and you veer towards me.

[calltoaction]

( through darkness,
through silence,
a vector,
a violence.

i labor,
i lumber,
i fumble forward
through the valley
as winter. )

Comments

[calltoaction]

He does. I'm, uh---I'm not sure how to tell him about this shit, though.

[ He finishes the drink and sets the empty bottle on the tray. He fidgets after, with the scratchy sheet. ]

[crimewar]

You haven't told him yet? [He takes the bottle to toss it out.] You uh, want me to?

[calltoaction]

I just woke up not long ago, and I haven't exactly had access to a phone. [ He's still fidgeting with the sheet though, twisting it in his hands. ]

Anyways, how the fuck am I supposed to---Hey dad, I'm coming home. By the way I can't see shit anymore, so that's going to be a hell of a thing.

[ He licks his lips and shakes his head. ] No, I---I can do it I just---I just gotta figure out the how.

[crimewar]

Yeah. Yeah, you tell him you had an accident, tell him you can’t see. Don’t gotta go into too much detail ‘til you get back, but I think he ought to know and you can’t equivocate with this, Matty.

You uh, I can sit with you when you call, maybe. Shit, I don’t know.

[calltoaction]

Yeah. [ Another long pause. ] I'd like that.

If you stayed here when I call him later. You don't mind?

[crimewar]

Wouldn’t have offered if I did, Red.

Only condition’s that we gotta listen to the music I want.

[calltoaction]

[ Matt grins, crooked and tired. ]

Sure, but you've got to dig out my IPod.

[crimewar]

[ Frank digs through Matt's bag, grabs the speaker and iPod out of it to start playing music. He chooses Earth Wind and Fire, something he'd put on there himself, and waits a few moments for the beat to soak in the room before he reaches for Matt's hand again, gaze downcast. ]

You know you got me right, Red?

[calltoaction]

[ He relaxes back when Frank starts digging through his bag, pulls out the speaker and his iPod, and puts on what he does. He threads his fingers through Frank's, the other man's tone morose. ]

I know I do. I know.

[crimewar]

Good. You don't have to do this alone, y'know. Neither of us have to. [He sighs, sighs, feels exhaustion wash over him in that old way. It gets worse, heavier every time this happens, and maybe he left something back in Kandahar too.

He leans in, quieter now.]

It ain't my job to question orders, Matty, but I could knock Agent Orange's teeth down his fucking throat. [And maybe he's already punched one of his eyes out. That somehow doesn't feel satisfying enough, never will until he gets both of them, maybe, until he feels what Matty feels now. He keeps that thought decidedly to himself.]

[calltoaction]

I know we don't. Just---didn't expect to be going home. Especially not---[ Like this. He falters on the words, going quiet. It works out cause Frank's voice has gone low for just him.

He can't help the chuckle. ] Yeah, well you're the one that told him, right? That it was an ambush. Heard there was already a fight in the tent. [ He licks his lips, squeezing Frank's hand a little tighter, and clears his throat to speak again. ] Maybe---maybe it's not just time for me to leave, huh?

Maybe it's time for you to go home too?

[ He's always been good at telling when Frank has gone down to a dark place that makes him hard to reach. The place that takes a little at a time each time they go out. The one that lingers in his eyes when he wakes up stateside even with Maria there with him. ] Call it quits?

[crimewar]

Yeah. No one could expect that, Matty. Ain't your fault. It's Rawlins'.
The uh, the fighting you heard--I punched his fucking eye out, man. I've never lost control like that in my life. Russo had to keep me back.

[His head hangs at the suggestion because this is a precipice he's been teetering on for so long, too long. The life of war and the life Maria and the babies give him, the choice he always makes between them. He doesn't know how he'll give it up.

But he can always find out. After Rawlins' task team, after this--even the feeling war gives him isn't enough to carry on. He rubs the back of his head and nods, a little meekly.] Yeah. Maybe it's time. I don't know what I'm gonna do after this, you know. I could stay home, with the kids, let Maria work if she wants. Find something. I'm taken care of, for awhile.

Not having a war to fight--it's scary, Matty. I love my babies, my Maria. But they ain't... this.

[calltoaction]

You---you what? [ He nearly tries to sit up but between the medicine and the generalized sensation of feeling weak. He doesn't get very far with it before he has to give up and lay back, retaliating instead with gripping Frank's hand a little tighter. ] I'm glad Billy was there.


There's a lot of stuff. I mean, security if you wanted to try it. Don't really see you doing home improvement projects for Maria, but hey, you could surprise me. [ He smiles, attempting to lighten the mood. ] Maybe you look sexy in an apron. I'll have to ask.

I guess there's always swinging a hammer if you can't find anything else to get all that out. [ He huffs out a laugh. ] Go bother Curtis for some beers.