negativeone | ( au post ) i become location and you veer towards me.

[ Frank's voice sounds like it's getting further away. It can't be cause he knows that he's laying against him, half in his arms and half against his chest. His gloved fingers don't leave where they are tightly curled in the other man's sleeve, but it's getting harder for him to focus on everything around them.

He's trying to do what he's told. Focus. Keep his eyes closed. His face burns and his head hurts and his ears are clogged, everything still sounding a touch too far away. He's no good for Castle like this. He can't do his job if he has to keep his eyes closed. He can't do anything about that though, and that scares him more. ]

M'here. [ He says it, whispered and half-mumbled. He doesn't even realize that he's as close as he is to passing out until he does. ]

[They're rescued like that, Matt in some kind of state between sleep and being awake and Frank holding onto him so tight he could probably hurt him if he tried any harder. Frank's separated from Matt to get his shoulder looked at, a general inspection, and they're almost at base when Frank's decidedly all done with that and finds himself at Matt's side.

The ocular nerve's been burned out. They'll be able to confirm more at the actual infirmary at base, but Matt's blind. He's blind. It's whispered to Frank, who just says Fucking Christ before he sits next to Matt's cot and reaches for his hand.

They're separated for a good while at the infirmary, Frank doing the debriefing as Matt's worked on, and it's only hours later that Frank can see him properly, ambling in with a cane and a sling over his shoulder and a brace for his neck. A mess. Yet, he still manages to bring some grub for Matt.

He sits beside him, dressed in fresh fatigues and clean shaved. Briefly, he considers offering to feed him, but doesn't, won't unless the kid asks, won't handle him with baby gloves.]

... How are you feeling, Red?

[ Matt doesn't remember a lot of the helo ride back to base. He remembers less as he's taken away from Frank, muddled voices, scents, sounds---

When he wakes up the first time (Frank's not there) and everything is so loud. It's too much and everything hurts, from his face, eyes, and head to the scratch of the wool blanket against his skin. He panics, between the voices of the doctors and all the rest, enough that they have to give him a mild sedative just to calm him down.

He's not sure how, but he knows Frank is coming before he gets in. He can smell his aftershave (something Lisa gave him), and the starch from his fatigues. His head raises too fast, bandages around his eyes scratching uncomfortably, and groans a little at the too quick movement. ]

Frank? [ He licks at his lips, starting to chap a bit, and lets his head drop back towards the pillow, shifting uncomfortably. ] Everything's loud, I---You---heh, you brought something from the Mess?

[ The meds haven't worn off entirely, yet, and it's hard for him to verbalize just how loud the rest of their world is currently. It's painful, but it just seems to be him. Only him that it's happening to. ] Hey, you ok?

Easy there, don't bust any stitches now.

[ He helps himself to plop down in the chair beside the bed, digging a fairly greasy burger out of the brown bag in his hand with a fruit to pair it off and a juice. He arranges all of it on the tray he drags from overhead, watches diligently. ] Hell yeah, I did. God knows what they're feeding you in here.

[ Frank frowns. ] I actually came to see how you were feeling, moron.

Okay, sure.

[ Matt turns his face, he can hear the crinkling of the bag so clearly, the grease from the wrapper, the juice he can't place, and an ---] Green apple and a burger too?

[ Another wince as he shifts. I'm better, I think. They gave me a sedative a little after I first woke up.

[Frank's brow raises and he almost nods, thinks better of it.] Yeah, yeah. I did. Got you one of those fake smoothies too, thought you'd like it.

[He takes a seat, finally, after preparing Matt's food for him, unsure how he'd take anymore help.] Listen, Murdock. I'm gonna be honest here. They're trying to keep everything that happened hush, presumably 'cause they fucked up. I think there's more to the story, but they shrugged me off when I tried to ask further.

Thanks. [ He waits, listening to him unwrap and set everything out. After a minute or two, he reaches out for the smoothie drink first, opening it to take a sniff first, and then a sip.

He listens as he drinks, brow furrowing a little bit. ] I heard. It's---there was a lot of whispering here. I couldn't catch all of it cause ---well, I didn't exactly stay calm when I woke up.

Did you catch anything off? [Well, that's sure as hell got his attention. Frank tries not to seem as startled as he is by the incident.] I'm uh, I am sorry about your eyes, Murdock. I tried my best to clean them, stop what was happening but I couldn't.

They seemed worried. Their heartbeats were so fast.

[ He shifts and sets the drink on the tray, and reaches out to find his hand, grasping at the air. He shakes his head, more by reflex than anything. ] I know. Hey, Frank? There wasn't anything you could do.

I know you tried.

Heartbeats? Murdock, what meds did they put you on?

[ Quietly, Frank reaches to take the grasping hand in his own. ] Still, wish it didn't have to be like this.

No, Castle. I heard them.

[ He sighs, but squeezes the other man's hand. It sounds crazy, it must. ]

Can't do anything now. I--I'll be okay. You're the one that has to deal with the new guy soon, right? Gonna ship me back.

Right, Murdock. Drink your juice.

[A frown tugs at his brow, and he shrugs, hand still holding Matt's.] I think I got one more tour in me. Just one more. Then I think I'm done, Red.

[ He pulls his hand away, squeezing Frank's again as he goes to find the juice again, opening it and taking a sip. ]

Home with Maria and the kids then? Doing chores and fixing up the place?

Yeah. Hell, I ought to take her place. The kids will love it.

[He laughs a little.] You gonna get any kind of help when you get back? I know you got your old man and all.

That'd be something to see. I'll have to come by and harass you.

[ He grins a bit, but it fades a little too fast. ] I don't know. They're talking about the VA hospital to help me acclimate to this---I just---I'm not sure what to do, man.

Yeah, yeah. Seriously, man, you know Maria would have you over anytime, Lisa and Frankie love you too. I just... I'm tired, man. I want my wife, my kids.

[An exhale escapes, nose pinched between thumb and forefinger.] Hey, that's a good place to start. I can ask David, see if he knows anywhere to start.

I know. I wouldn't mind dropping in.

[ He hears the heavy sigh, and his chest tightens a little in response. ] Yeah, that'd be good. I think it'll just be nice to be home again.

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. You wanna go home, Red?

[ He shifts a little uncomfortably. ]

I don't know. I guess? Think I mostly just wanna see my old man again.

Yeah. Bet he misses you. Going home gives you a new sense of purpose. I think you’ll find it.

He does. I'm, uh---I'm not sure how to tell him about this shit, though.

[ He finishes the drink and sets the empty bottle on the tray. He fidgets after, with the scratchy sheet. ]

You haven't told him yet? [He takes the bottle to toss it out.] You uh, want me to?

I just woke up not long ago, and I haven't exactly had access to a phone. [ He's still fidgeting with the sheet though, twisting it in his hands. ]

Anyways, how the fuck am I supposed to---Hey dad, I'm coming home. By the way I can't see shit anymore, so that's going to be a hell of a thing.

[ He licks his lips and shakes his head. ] No, I---I can do it I just---I just gotta figure out the how.

Yeah. Yeah, you tell him you had an accident, tell him you can’t see. Don’t gotta go into too much detail ‘til you get back, but I think he ought to know and you can’t equivocate with this, Matty.

You uh, I can sit with you when you call, maybe. Shit, I don’t know.

Yeah. [ Another long pause. ] I'd like that.

If you stayed here when I call him later. You don't mind?

( au post ) i become location and you veer towards me.

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